Growing up


I am so tired of being told

how lucky I was growing up

Yes; my parents were together;

and from what I saw,

They actually loved each other

but; they worked ALL the time

and I was ALONE

I HATED that 

My sister and I did not get along

She did not care

about my phobias

I was handicapped from birth

It was not easy

growing up

Inventing reasons  WHY

I talked the way I did

I was smart enough to know

that I was… different

Growing up was hard

Yes, my Mom had

a cleaning woman

I was never taught to be neat

and I am not neat

Cleaning the house is NOT

my strong suit

But I try

and for my effort…

I fail “cleaning 101”

It’s was NEVER important to me’

Lately I have been trying

I have also started to cook more

and bake

I need something to occupy my time

When my kids were young;

I had a purpose to my life

Now; they are grown

I have outlived my usefulness

I would do anything for my kids

but they never even call

It hurts

My marriage is NOT a real marriage

Love is NOT enough

and I really think that

he stays with me

because of finances

His heart is elsewhere

I know that;

I FEEL that

He tries to control my every move

Hindsight is 20/20

I NEVER should have married him

I love my kids

I’m lonely

we tend to live

in 2 separate worlds

I just do not know

where I belong anymore

I need something to fill

the void

I do not count myself

as happy

I have had happy moments

but my life?

It’s not easy

Growing up

Different

DESPERATELY

trying to fit in

I’ve never really come

to the point

where I accept my

handicap

I have a condition

It does not have me

 

 

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2 comments

  1. jser67

    Unfortunately- Life is inherently messy- IF I don’t see the mess when I initially make it- I block it out. Maybe creativity breeds disorganization- Thanks for your comment. You too have a beautiful spirit and it shines though in everything you write!

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