No Kaddish


My Father had no son

His only son had died BEFORE birth

It must have been horrible

She thought about it

I know she did

but she never cried

I was actually the third child

When you think about it

it’s not very fair

three kids, the ONLY male died

The second is a NORMAL girl

(just not too communicative)

and the third is….born with CP

Me- it could have been worse

my cognitive skills are fine

but motor skills? nope

She wanted 3, but after me;

she quit

My “joke” was:

“Don’t mess with PERFECTION”

I was HARDLY perfect; hell

I missed NORMAL by 4 days

My Mom  seizured 4 days prior

to my entrance into this world

It was not her fault- damn Dr-

He could not diagnose pregnancy toxemia?

She complained- but He did not listen

She was swollen

BUT…she had ONLY gained 12 pounds

TOXEMIA= large weight gain: LOL

I NEVER did a DAMN thing NORMAL

in my life

I wish she had had another kid

MAYBE it would been a boy

my Dad did not want a son

nor did he want grandsons

He would call me every morning

when I was pregnant and say:

I want a girl- a granddaughter

Don’t let me down

I would laugh; but Dad was serious

He associated baby boys with….

well…death

That was hard to write

Except the last time

I was pregnant- he was already sick

He knew his “time” was limited

but being the ever so

dutiful daughter- I had another girl

and Dad was thrilled

No KADDISH, but he looked at her

and fell in love

She was; from the first

his “little girlfriend”

I did not let him down

He had MORE time

came over more- I NEVER minded

my Dad was great

He just was afraid of her

NEVER picked her up

as a baby

She adored him

and I think he figured

that I would have more

or my sister would have a child:

she had no maternal desires

I did- but I decided to quit with 3

ALL NORMAL- thank G-d

My Dad had no Kaddish

My husband (I hope)

said the prayer for 11 months

Morning and evening

My Dad was the ONLY boy

He was EVERYONE’S Kaddish

I only hope someone said it

for him 

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