Tomorrow


<I go out
every Wednesday morning
Usually to get to the counselor
…and/or…
to go shopping
in the local strip mall
about 1/2 mile
up the street

It's starting already
I can feel it
I'm trying to think
of a reason NOT
to go

I really like my therapist
She is the ONLY reason
I do this

I am a hopless
agoraphobic
or am I?

Being a grown woman
I am able to make
my own decisions
I will go tomorrow

Though I realize
I will have
to leave my comfort zone
I know
that the VERY worst
thing that would happen
is that I would have an
overwhelming feeling
of panic

I would walk home
instead of waiting
for the return bus

I ALWAYS hope the bus
comes late;
giving me less time
for shopping
fine
I really don't NEED much
the less time
the better off I am

Until I actually
got to the point
where I was going to have
a full blown panic attack
in public;
I will continue
to go out
I am too old
I am not a child
I will wonder why
It's just so hard for me

Are there others
who, like me
are tied to a
piece of real estate
I don't even like

But the thought
of leaving
is just so hard

I used to see women
in stores
who spend hours
and hours out
how?

I understand
that I have a phobic reaction
to being out of the house
Is it curable?

IF it was
I would not be writing
this…
I'd be at work

Enough said

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One comment

  1. Joyce Camp

    I suffered panic attacks badly for 7 years. I understand the not being able to leave your home its very hard and most people cant understand it!
    I still have difficulty driving sometimes. I cant drive the parkway to Pittsburgh nor drive the Turnpike!
    Most of the time now I can pull myself out of an attack before it gets bad with deep breathing and relaxation methods.
    One step at a time .. One day at a time

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