Here I GO AGAIN!


Tomorrow I get to go out
I should be DELIGHTED
I almost never get out;
and when I do, most times
I just accompany my ex husband
to go run errands- not exactly fun

Tomorrow is my “Wednesday”
I go to the therapist
most Wednesdays~and~
on the way home;
I stop at Walmart
to do a small shopping
I go by bus
(I’m not allowed to drive)
LONG STORY

Here’s my problem:
I am quick when I shop
I go get what I NEED
I may even look at clothes;
which I want; I do not NEED;
but since I’m there…

I check out and
he tells me when to meet him
back at the bus
I’m ALWAYS early

I just sit there
and do nothing
I’m agoraphobic
Even though I want
to go out~INTELLECTIALLY~
The REALITY is that
I need to go home
I’m just not comfortable
outside my home

I force myself
to go out
once a week
As much as being
out of my house
causes me discomfort
I refuse to give in
to me

My therapist and I discussed
this problem

She and I came up with
an alternative to just
sitting on a bench outside
Walmart-watching the world go by
and growing more anxious
with every passing minute
Tomorrow, I will purchase a
small, inexpensive needlepoint kit

Time goes quicker
when you’re doing something
you have to concentrate on

It is certainly worth a try
I refuse to be entirely
housebound for the rest
of my life

Anything that works…

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6 comments

  1. ModWestMuse

    Great idea. I’m a firm believer of ‘working towards something’. In the process – is not only a kind of healing, but often the best ideas materialise 🙂

  2. jser67

    The weather is G-d awful. I DESPERATELY wanted to cancel….but I did not. I did howecer talk the bus company into an earlier home return. I cannot spend over 2 hours in one store and I’m now very cognative of the fact that I am limited to 4 bags. IF it was nice out; I could have gotten a haircut and gone to other stores. I did buy a muffin pan- it sounds silly, but in my “pre- Dystonic” days, I would bake chocolate chip muffuns eaxh morning- so I splurged and bought a new mini-muffin pan, papers and a mix I need to do what I can to alliviate my boredom and feeling of uselessness.. I feel the more I go out, the better I will feel.

    It just seems like everytime I go out, it is awful out.

    Thanks for your support.

    • ModWestMuse

      For some reason I’m not receiving notifications of messages on other users’ sites. Weird. Will have to look into that when I have time. Sad about the weather the other day. I hope you were able to make the muffins 🙂

      Peace

  3. maryamchahine

    It’s great that you are going out and sticking with it although it is hard for you at times. Hope the needlepoint works out. I spend almost two hours commuting back and forth from work, so today I brought a book along and the time did go by much very faster and enjoyably. If you have a chance I’d definitely recommending trying your hand at cross-stitching. It is a lot of fun.

  4. jser67

    I can do needlepoint. My Mom never taught me cross stich- but I’ll look it up. My Mother also did lovely embroidery. Too delicate for me. I tend to stitch too tight. My sister has normal co-ordination. she cannot even make a hem. I’m SURE my Mother showed her- my sister’s attitude would rather pay someone. It’s a challenge for me. Somehow I muddle through it. LOL!

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