Uncomforftable


There is no way
I would ever be able to
hide my feelings
For the first time in my life
I’ve gotten to the point
where I need to accept
what I cannot change

My “tneories”
are, just that~ mine
I am a very private person
and other people
have to respect that quality
i do not trust easily

I, like others who write
am fascinated by the concept
of death
I feel that “Fate” guides
my life
If there is an afterlife- cool

I was brought up to be a “free thinker”
My parents both worked
I had to be self- sufficent
and even though I was born handicapped
My Mom had to take that “option”
out of my life
She INSISTED that I be brought up
NORMAL

Once she knew I had a certain degree
of intelligence, she was insistant
that I push myself to do things
that, frankly,
I should not have been able to do

My fine motor co-ordination
leaves alot to be desired
BUT- no way She would let me
grow up not being able to sew
there were things she gave me
that are important only because
there are so- called Normal people
who have less skills than I do
I have friends who don’t know how
to do a simple hem
but then again;
my Mom was rare
She worked the minute I went
off to school
I guess looking back;
the time she spent home
was time spent with my sister
and I
She gave both of us
a great start
In a way, we were her job
My Mom worked well into her 70’s
NOT because she HAD to; she wanted to
She survived so much-
an orphan by the age of 14
A Marriage that had severe issues;
my Dad’s alcoholicism after his
military service
Constant drug addiction
I LOVED my Dad, but he was
was he was- a great guy
plagued by depression,
Never missed a day of work
Never raised a hand to me
or my sister
Logically, I should be
addicted- I’m not
I’m the opposite
from a very early age,
I had no tolerance
to medications
took only what I had to take
Spent the 60’s watching my friends
get high
yes, I tried pot; did not like it
But I never was “holier than thou”
For the most part,
my friends turned out fine

I stand in judgement
of me~
no one else

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4 comments

  1. maryamchahine

    I could say a lot on this poem, as I can relate to some of it. Yes, life is all about accepting what we can’t change. It is very hard because sometimes there are things in life we really want, but we never get it. I have to trust that God may be withholding something or not changing a situation because I have to learn from it or what I want is not good for me.

    Like you, I’m also a very private person. I don’t like talking about myself too much. One of the reasons why I won’t accept the blogger awards through the whole process is because I’d have to write things about myself. However, reading your posts generally gets me talking more than I normally would about myself. I think I’ve shared more about myself on your blog than I have on my own blog. LOL!

    Another thing I can relate to is your fascination with death. I’m very fascinated by what happens to us after we die. Most of my writing is an exploration of that. People might think I’m morbid, but really I’m not. Death is a very important part of the journey and I think we should ask questions about it.

    I wish more people judged themselves than other people. We have so many faults of our own that we don’t need to being looking at the faults of others.

    Great poem, jser! As you can see it got me rambling off quite a bit ;D

    • jser67

      Like you; I am fascinated by death. Sometimes I feel my parents presence. My parents expected great things from me- I ended up quiting College, getting married and having kids. I was ALWAYS an AGORAPHOBIC and I lacked ambition to do anything but write.

      Maybe someday I’ll finish my novel- i am not very good at writing conversation- but the book is a good idea.

      The only person I really need to approve of my writing is me.

      I LOVE the fact that a writer of your calliber would even read my work.

      I cannot thank you enough for taking the time to comment on my piece- truely; it made my day .

      • maryamchahine

        You’re very welcome jser : ) I’m always happy to support fellow writers. I hope you will be able to finish your novel one day. I’ve been trying to complete my first novel for many years now. I’m only now just getting serious about it.

        All the best to you!

  2. jser67

    I am awful at conversation. I hyave some chapters written and I will try to write more. I needed a “PUSH”. But like everything else; believe it not; I have no illusions. i am an adequete writer. I have very low self esteem. I am my own worst critic! Ah; IF only I was John Irving! He writes so well about the handicapped. The protagonist is usually handicapped in one way or another- I love his novels,

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