Family History V


When I picture my Grandmother
it’s always the same
She was looking out a window

My Dad also

But that’s besides the point
My Grandmother considered
herself a good mother

She had 2 (useless) daughters
…and a son

The only one she loved
(if she had the capacity
to truely love anyone)
it was my Dad

She had him after her
first son; Bernard
had died- he had
the plague

My Aunts were older
They told me
that my Grandmother
suffered a rather severe
depression after Bernard’s death

But…
she had not caused
his death

which brings me to my
Aunt Rose
who was Pa-pa Joe’s
sister
My Grandmother said
this woman had ice wather
running through her viens

I had met Aunt Rose
because my Dad took me there
once a month
and I could be wrong, but
I know it was there
that I saw my cousin Abe
They say he fell off a ladder
when he was a young Man
Only in retrospect; do I make
this connection: Abe was probably not
stupid
He had….a twisted neck
Dystonia?

Not my point

My Grandmother held a
unwavering grudge against Rose
The Baby.
WHY? Aunt Rose had a baby
She led the “good life”

Did not work
Had kids
a house
and took care
of neither

Rose had asked
my Grandmother
to babysit
Rose wanted to go
to a party
The Baby was ill
Rose did not care

My grandmother took
the baby
…and he died
that night
in my grandmother’s arms

She NEVER EVER forgave Rose
and she made it clear
to me:

IF you ever have kids
THEY COME FIRST
In other words
Do not leave a sick child

I never did~
funny how somethings
never leave you

That story never left me

Only once did I leave
sick kids
and it was NOT
to have fun

I had to be with my Dad
My Mom was having Surgery

My kids were ill
I left them in
highly capable hands

Bit I shook all day

Who was I to go against
Grandma?
I worried all day
They were fine
I was a mess

My Grandmother
was a complex
individual

I lived in her house
until she died

I never really figured
her out
No one did

…and so it goess

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5 comments

  1. rebecca2000

    That is sad. I am glad, though, that you learned to be there for your kids from that. Family can screw us up or they can make us stronger. It sounds like you took the good parts. 🙂

    x,
    Becca

    • jser67

      My Grandmother was very strange. iN a lot of ways, she was very far ahead of her peers. She was a business woman. I can remember saying to myself that I NEVER wanted to work IF I had kids.

      I admired her, but I knew I did not want to be like her

      Thanks for reading and commenting. I love your blog- you are just so original!

      My kids name is Becca and my sister’s name is Lynn :-))

      • rebecca2000

        Awww thanks so much. You’re sweet to say so. Yeah I have a complicated family history. I really am not sure there is anyone I want to be like other than myself.

  2. maryamchahine

    Great poem! Your grandmother offered some very good advice. Yes, it is strange the things that tend to fade and those things that stick with you. I’m glad what she said about children stuck with you. I agree with you that family history is very fascinating. I wish I knew more about my own.

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