Things That I Know For Sure!

I once had a turtle

I was only 5

My favorite person

in the world was

My Uncle Sol

a very mild mannered man

with health problems

Now understand my sister

ALSO had a turtle and not to be


she named her turtle

Aunt Minnie

I loved my Aunt dearly

And truely, she was kind of

like Edith Bunker

Dumb- but VERY wise

All lives must end

Turtles just live that long


I took GOOD care

of Uncle Sol

but he died

I cried

ran around

the neighhood crying

No-one understood

Yes, it was a turtle

but where was Uncle SOL?
The REAL Uncle Sol



The VERY real man

had suffered his first

of many heart attacks

YES, I ALWAYS called

Uncle Sol

But My sister

dialed the phone

Now I thought I made

it clear in the neighbor hood

that it was Uncle sol

the turtles that was now in a box

which I was going to bury

this minicual box

in the back


And guess what?


One of the people

at the funeral was a neighborhood

kid whose fater just happened

to be the son of a lesser known Rabbi

I invited a few friends who weren’t out

climbing trees


Before the funeral

I called the real Uncle Sol

Since I was still crying about

the tragedy that had
I gues this would be occured






a good place
to tell you
I had a speech impediment
my sick Uncle
probably could not
understand me
My sister
was instructed
NOT to dare tell me
the truth
I really thought
my Uncle Sol
was Probably
smoking a Camel,
sitting on his couch
maybe sipping on coffee
He had just survived
his first heart Attack

Ok- cut me a break
I had no idea
my sister was
pure EVIL
She encouraged
me to tell the neighbors

I REALLY thought
everyone knew
the difference between
a turtle and a man

I was only 5
I certainly did!
Everyone wanted
to attend the funeral

which was taking place
in my backyard

MY Sister must have
been ready to commit murder
(me) and suicide (herself)

I am just happy
there were no computers
in those years
simpler times
….and now Picture this
Gerald is in a suit
He had just come home from “shul”
(Jewish slag for Temple)

Yep, it was a Saturday
That funeral had
a GREAT turnout
the coffin was REALLY small
Some kids I knew dug it

Hell, I was a little girl
in a little basic Black dress
The whole thing was rather surreal

As Uncle Sol
(the TURLE was
laid to reat)
Standing room omly
not a dry eye
in the garden

People were crying
My sister was inside the house

tending to the needs of a DEAD
Aunt Minnie- (the turtle)
Another small coffin
(most likely a shoe box)
is now sitting on the kitchen table
containing the remains
of another turtle
She was 9 and knew more
and was less emotional
than I

But when she finally emerged from the house
everyone had gone home

And my EVIL Sister
had to go door to door
the day
that that sweet
turtle died

And thank G-d
My sister got hers
from the neighbors
that day
She knew what was going on
and thought
the whole thing
was funny

My Uncle Sol
would live to find
what few ever find out
Just who came to his funeral

He really was
a hell of a guy!

To this day
My sister denies
she was behind
the whole thing

“The best laid

plans of mice and men
often go array”

That was the day
my turle died
I remember the

he real Uncle Sol
died on a very cold night
in 1969

G-d rest his wonderful soul

I miss him to this day
and Aunt Minnie
(the turtle was
buried sans ceremony)

and died in 2004

I loved her very much
and to everyone’s surprised
Maybe she just was a “Ditz”
’cause stupid she was not
She taught me so much
and no one ever knew

G-d rest her soul
as well

She was a wonderful


One comment

  1. maryamchahine

    There are people in our lives like your aunt and uncle who truly make a difference. I’m sure you will always remember them. This poem was a nice and quirky tribute to them.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s