Love Lost

I just have one question:

 

Does love die-

or does it just get lost

 

Where does it go

Damned if I can find it

I looked everywhere

it’s gone

It’s not in my heart

my heart is empty

and there is a definite void

years ago; you broke my heart

it took time, but it healed

but this time~

it’s broken beyond repair

Love lost

and frankly;

I don’t think I’ll ever find it

again

 

I don’t want to scream

I don’t want to yell

 

I just want to be left alone

 

Go to “her”

when you get home

I’ll be gone

 

There is no such thing as

forever

 

Good Vs. Bad

It suddenly stuck me one day

when I was a little more depressed

than usual

It all boiled down to one concept:

In the classic struggle between good and bad

~…..GOOD….~

MUST always triumph

 

….and; in the end….

no matter what

 

Good would always win

This world would go on

long past my lifetime

 

The writer in me

NEEDED to know

what would eventually happen

 

MY own life was in pieces

the peace I had longed for

was not to be

I had the burden of proof

and believe me~ I tried

but time was NOT on my side

 

and maybe the old adage was true

REVENGE

was…

…..BEST….

…..served up…..

…..COLD…..

 

Because it had time to age

and become

the only thing I had

and would NEVER, EVER DIE

Some would say

that I was ALWAYS

haunted

You could see it my eyes

 

My REAL crime?

being born

NOT perfect;

being gullible

albeit: naivity

….~and~…..in

worst of all

being in the wrong place

at exactly the wrong time

If I lived to a ripe old age

I would NEVER understand why

I was, at best, very ordinary

….and did I REALLY consider myself

the personification of “GOOD”….

…..NO….no-one is…..

I was only Good

in comparison

to one

who was bad

 

….so in the end….

I had to win

….or would I?

 

I believe  in G-d

I am not a complete

egocentric human being

There had to be some thing

more powerful than I

 

I had to believe that things

would eventually get better

because they could not get any worse

 

I had been pushed too far

it was time to fight back

and I had to believe

that all was not for naught

….so in the end;

I would leave

My parting words

were heard by only one person:

me

 

….and I would live the rest of my life

peacefully

 

I want a happy ending…..

…..and with the utmost apologies

to Billy Joel…..

……”and so it goes”

 

 

LOST

I’m lost

somewhere along the way

I got terribly lost

I feel alone

Face it

I am alone

I cannot go on this way

I am headed for trouble

and I have no-one to turn to

I realize that everyone

is busy

don’t lie to me

you are on vacation

you don’t want to see me

that’s fine

why did you bother to call?

I feel like a fool

like a beggar

I thought that

  ~MAYBE~

I could see you

spend an hour

and talk;

maybe have lunch

I’m not good enough for you

Next time

Just don’t call

I have my fair share

of stress

You have no idea

what it is to be me

Have fun

don’t call again

I have nothing to say

 

 

 

PLEASE Shut Up!

Is it too much to ask

for you to just…

Shut Up!

Since the minute you

got out of bed

You have NOT shut up

I don’t know

(or care)

What you are even saying

I just want you to shut up

before I lose my damn mind

…simply shut up!!! 

A Hole In My Heart

When you left

the first time;

my heart broke

When you came back;

I thought it would heal

But what you did cannot be undone

There’s STILL a hole

in my heart

One that will never heal

 

They say:
“Time heals ALL wounds”

UNTRUE

at least for me

The hole remains open; w

….raw…

a painful reminder

of past sins

When you left

My heart broke

I thought

I would fall apart

I didn’t

 

….and even after everything

you did

I remained faithful

to vows

I (reluctantly) said

And now I feel

you slipping away

~AGAIN~

Bear this in mind

IF you walk out

just keep going

I’ll change the locks

The hole will deepen

I will not fall apart

I knew what you were

I was with you

anyway

 

IF you leave again

do not ever come back

 

I’m now in the winter

of my life

too old; too stubborn

too wise to change

 

If your happiness lies with another

just leave

In my mind

you have been here

for years

What difference would it make

 

 

 

 

 

 

If you left and did not come back
I would have to go on
I know you’re unhappy
The hole in my heart
would just deepen
Just think long and hard
there’s no coming back
not to me
I’ll be ok
Don’t blame my illness
You don’t have to stay
I will not die
I want a chance to be happy
with or with you
I don’t think
there will be another
My heart will never heal
but I am as much to blame as you
I’m trying to be truthful
now please do the same with me
I will ALWAYS love you
It’s no longer enough
It’s been over for years
Just acknowledge that fact
Do what you have to do
and go get your happiness
I wish you the best
We had a good go;
it just did not last
I am who I am
As you are who you are
just let me have peace
that’s all I really want

Don’t Know What To Do

Will it ever end?

I cannot continually be treated

like this

not a life

just an unhappy existence

Yes, there’s a hole in my heart

He put it there

and

…he does not care

The hole is a void

He talks at me

rarely to me

What did I do?

Can we rectify it?

Is it too late?

I barely made it out

last time

Had it not been for the kids

……

Am I too old

to start over

by myself?

Growing up

I am so tired of being told

how lucky I was growing up

Yes; my parents were together;

and from what I saw,

They actually loved each other

but; they worked ALL the time

and I was ALONE

I HATED that 

My sister and I did not get along

She did not care

about my phobias

I was handicapped from birth

It was not easy

growing up

Inventing reasons  WHY

I talked the way I did

I was smart enough to know

that I was… different

Growing up was hard

Yes, my Mom had

a cleaning woman

I was never taught to be neat

and I am not neat

Cleaning the house is NOT

my strong suit

But I try

and for my effort…

I fail “cleaning 101″

It’s was NEVER important to me’

Lately I have been trying

I have also started to cook more

and bake

I need something to occupy my time

When my kids were young;

I had a purpose to my life

Now; they are grown

I have outlived my usefulness

I would do anything for my kids

but they never even call

It hurts

My marriage is NOT a real marriage

Love is NOT enough

and I really think that

he stays with me

because of finances

His heart is elsewhere

I know that;

I FEEL that

He tries to control my every move

Hindsight is 20/20

I NEVER should have married him

I love my kids

I’m lonely

we tend to live

in 2 separate worlds

I just do not know

where I belong anymore

I need something to fill

the void

I do not count myself

as happy

I have had happy moments

but my life?

It’s not easy

Growing up

Different

DESPERATELY

trying to fit in

I’ve never really come

to the point

where I accept my

handicap

I have a condition

It does not have me