PLEASE Shut Up!

Is it too much to ask

for you to just…

Shut Up!

Since the minute you

got out of bed

You have NOT shut up

I don’t know

(or care)

What you are even saying

I just want you to shut up

before I lose my damn mind

…simply shut up!!! 

A Hole In My Heart

When you left

the first time;

my heart broke

When you came back;

I thought it would heal

But what you did cannot be undone

There’s STILL a hole

in my heart

One that will never heal

 

They say:
“Time heals ALL wounds”

UNTRUE

at least for me

The hole remains open; w

….raw…

a painful reminder

of past sins

When you left

My heart broke

I thought

I would fall apart

I didn’t

 

….and even after everything

you did

I remained faithful

to vows

I (reluctantly) said

And now I feel

you slipping away

~AGAIN~

Bear this in mind

IF you walk out

just keep going

I’ll change the locks

The hole will deepen

I will not fall apart

I knew what you were

I was with you

anyway

 

IF you leave again

do not ever come back

 

I’m now in the winter

of my life

too old; too stubborn

too wise to change

 

If your happiness lies with another

just leave

In my mind

you have been here

for years

What difference would it make

 

 

 

 

 

 

If you left and did not come back
I would have to go on
I know you’re unhappy
The hole in my heart
would just deepen
Just think long and hard
there’s no coming back
not to me
I’ll be ok
Don’t blame my illness
You don’t have to stay
I will not die
I want a chance to be happy
with or with you
I don’t think
there will be another
My heart will never heal
but I am as much to blame as you
I’m trying to be truthful
now please do the same with me
I will ALWAYS love you
It’s no longer enough
It’s been over for years
Just acknowledge that fact
Do what you have to do
and go get your happiness
I wish you the best
We had a good go;
it just did not last
I am who I am
As you are who you are
just let me have peace
that’s all I really want

Don’t Know What To Do

Will it ever end?

I cannot continually be treated

like this

not a life

just an unhappy existence

Yes, there’s a hole in my heart

He put it there

and

…he does not care

The hole is a void

He talks at me

rarely to me

What did I do?

Can we rectify it?

Is it too late?

I barely made it out

last time

Had it not been for the kids

……

Am I too old

to start over

by myself?

Growing up

I am so tired of being told

how lucky I was growing up

Yes; my parents were together;

and from what I saw,

They actually loved each other

but; they worked ALL the time

and I was ALONE

I HATED that 

My sister and I did not get along

She did not care

about my phobias

I was handicapped from birth

It was not easy

growing up

Inventing reasons  WHY

I talked the way I did

I was smart enough to know

that I was… different

Growing up was hard

Yes, my Mom had

a cleaning woman

I was never taught to be neat

and I am not neat

Cleaning the house is NOT

my strong suit

But I try

and for my effort…

I fail “cleaning 101″

It’s was NEVER important to me’

Lately I have been trying

I have also started to cook more

and bake

I need something to occupy my time

When my kids were young;

I had a purpose to my life

Now; they are grown

I have outlived my usefulness

I would do anything for my kids

but they never even call

It hurts

My marriage is NOT a real marriage

Love is NOT enough

and I really think that

he stays with me

because of finances

His heart is elsewhere

I know that;

I FEEL that

He tries to control my every move

Hindsight is 20/20

I NEVER should have married him

I love my kids

I’m lonely

we tend to live

in 2 separate worlds

I just do not know

where I belong anymore

I need something to fill

the void

I do not count myself

as happy

I have had happy moments

but my life?

It’s not easy

Growing up

Different

DESPERATELY

trying to fit in

I’ve never really come

to the point

where I accept my

handicap

I have a condition

It does not have me

 

 

Sadness

Alone-

I was never comfortable alone

and now

ALL I want

is to be left alone

I don’t care who is here

I just want to be left alone

No demands

No commands

I want nothing

from anyone

I just want peace- not pieces

I am being torn apart

IS IT FUN?

Am I worth

the price

you will eneventually pay

here is one thing I know for sure

If you steal something

you will have

 

to pay for it

nothing is free

everything has a price

and…what you steal

you MUST give back

I am NOT stupid

I know that when you

look at me

you see my twisted neck

Do you see me for who I am?

I am just trying to make it through

One person should not have

this much stress

It will kill me

Will that make you happy

Look at yourself in a mirror

and tell me

I was worth

what you will have to endure 

I depise you

oh- you know that

….but…

it was just too inviting?

too easy

make that person

as miserable as I am

and after that;

know just one more thing

You may have tried to ruin me

and at times

I wanted to just give up

but you would never get

what you REALLY wanted;

did you?

 

How much time

did you lose?

Funny thing about time

it goes on

One day follows another

and G-d knows

what you did

and when your “time” is up

what will have to show for all your effort

A penney?

What did you learn?

In the end;

I will win

 

ALL that time wasted

you picked the wrong PERSON

ONE last question

WAS it worth

the price you have to pay?

 

Revenge is a plate

much better served up

COLD

You will serve your time

in HELL

all because

of me…

…and so it goes

~ HA- HA~

 

 

 

 

Broken Bonds

I do not understand

what He is looking for

I do not even understand

why he is writing to her

It is obvious

that she wants

a relationship with him

My question is:

will he do it?

Does he really think

that I dot know

what is going on

This is  NOT a game

It is my life

and I will not be betrayed

…again

 

I cannot stop you

You seem determined

to break my heart

You have done it

too many times

I’ve had it

 I do not want

to go on with

this farce

He must understand

that if he goes to meet her

He will lose me

for good

Yes; we have a bond~

     ~but~

it is frayed

how much more

will I take?

No-one wants to be alone

I am used to it

I don’t like it

but it has become

a way of life

Love?

it’s just another

four letter word

 

Tuesdays

You are rarely here

on Tuesdays

You seem to be off

in your own private world

I can see it in your eyes

Have you ever REALLY loved me?

I SWEAR- I never meant

to “trap you”

YOU wanted marriage~

not me

I wanted you

While I accepted

your terms

I was ready to give you up

I wanted (and STILL do)

want you to be happy

IF not with me-

just leave

I never was “good” enough

for  you

My sin?

Loving you

Too much

I stopped

long ago

trying to please you

Nothing I do is right

I DO try

I fall short

and you refuse

to acknowledge

that I have changed

I’ve grown

I cannot and will not

fight this battle

not again

You win

now go

make your mistake

….and live with it

I’ve paid a heavy price

for loving you

and when you leave

PLEASE make sure

it is Tuesday

I had your child

on a Tuesday

We got married

on a Tuesday

You cheated on me

on Tuesdays

Tuesday

ALWAYS Tuesdays…

….and so it goes